Breaking Up Is Sometimes The Best Thing To Do...

For the past little while I've been using an analogy of romantic relationship to explain my situation with my employer.

We've been "going out" for 8 years and had, generally, a happy time. We've experienced a lot together, had fun and challenged each other. We've even been on holiday together sometimes for a city break (Rome, Barcelona, Frankfurt, Miami, Glasgow, Edinburgh etc) or proper adventures in far off lands, such as Japan.

But over the last couple of years we've both been asked, at separate junctures, about the future together. It's the type of questions your friends & family ask you after a bit in a relationship... "Is she the one for you?", "When are you getting married?" etc. I've been asked and ask myself that question and I know my employer has asked that question of me too.

And I think the answer comes something like this...

We both enjoy each other's company and get lots out of it. But it's just missing that little something...

For me what's missing is "growth". We have grown together, but it's not clear where else there is to grow. The company has its own ideas about where it's going, and I don't want to be part of that - it's not a bad place, just not a place I can see myself enjoying or find emotionally rewarding. The simple fact is I can't see myself happy together in 10 years time, despite all the fun, comfort & security I have now. And from the company's point of view, I've been clearly told they value me and want to make this work. However I'm not convinced that it can work for the long term - possibly a couple of years but not the long term.

If I'm frank, I've felt inferior ever since we started out - I felt I was chancing my arm and was playing above my league in life. And being insecure is never a great place for a relationship to flourish!

So should we both just be happy together because we're both "comfortable"? Or should we not waste each other's time in a sham of a relationship that ain't going nowhere for both of us and call it quits in an amicable and clean way? Well, we know the answer to that...

But the weird bit is that whilst working in Germany I was reminded of why this relationship is great - the values & behaviours of the people in the company. I'm not saying I am having second thoughts about my intended route, just that the frustration has ebbed away and I'm left thinking only about the good times.

When this is all over, I suspect we will remain close friends.

Serendipity?

As part of my crap juggling act, I intend to do some contracting to keep the cash rolling in, doing a mix of sales & marketing, innovation support and capability building.

I've deliberately chosen not to be proactive on this for two reasons:-
1) I am still employed and have had several false dawns when it comes to the next stage, such as my request for career break, so I would rather wait until I am well and truly on the outside before being proactive.
2) I NEED a holiday. I am shattered physically and feeling a bit in denial about the end of this chapter so I think I will need a month's R&R to help me transition.

But here's the funny thing... in the last month I've been approached by FIVE different people to do some kind of work for them, ranging from training, selling and commercial consultancy.

I know this is all down to the power of my network and how well I nurture that network. I need to be focused on it is that I offer and be clear on how I communicate it. If I'm candid, that's the bit I probably need the space & time for - I'm not quite sure what it is that I offer...

Do I offer something unique in a "jack of all trades" kind of way? A unique blend of innovation, commercial & marketing capability? Or do I focus on one particular feature and become an expert (Don't get me started on experts!!!)? Expert in Innovation? Expert in Customer Investment strategies? Or do I offer them all, but communicated in different ways...

Home or Away

One of my worries about the next step is how I behave in the first few months.

I need to make sure I don't treat it as an extended holiday (part of the reason I'm having a longish holiday straight away after I finish up). I need to keep busy and get up early (not always a thing I do well).

I worry that I will find diversions at home, to such a degree I am contemplating getting rid of my TV (a strategy I adopted successfully during my finals) and PS3. But I know I will find other diversions even without these, and I think they're rather drastic.

My big idea to help me transition and getting into the working spirit is to join a club, such as Soho House, One Alfred Place, Adam Street or some such place... I did have a thought about getting a serviced office, but bizarrely a private club is about half the cost of a serviced office.

My other thought is to wear a suit everyday, make me feel like I'm working, make it different from "normal" every day wear. This is something I used to do at work (I know that sounds funny but in work everybody wears jeans) but now I only wear a suit when I cycle into work.

Eight Years in Three Words: Fun Challenge Experience

Upon reflecting about my eight years with my last employer, I have been trying for the last several weeks to put all that time into context. There's been ups and downs (mostly ups), but there's been more than that.

What I wanted to say ended up being cliches... "the people are what make a business and there's lots of great people here... blah blah blah..." all of which is very true, but rather dull (may be it's what they want to hear - some affirmation that those remaining are making the right choice by staying).

So I have been wrestling with being honest (or in the latest buzzword at work "authentic") about my eight years, without hiding the bad times or from the people that I have pissed off and who have annoyed me. I do not want to rose tint the real world into a fairy tale version suitable for the mass market. However I also don't want to create a black & white view of my last eight years that jar people's view of me or their view of the company.

I need it to be both honest and universal. Those two characteristics don't play well together. They stink of principle and ideology. And principles, especially universal ones, usually mean they won't stand up in the real world (and if you hadn't guessed yet, I'm a realist!).

I ended up thinking about what the eight years have brought to me and I settled on three words (can you guess what they are???!) that summarised my tenure honestly, sincerely and (hopefully) neutrally.

But was it just my tenure? It began to dawn on me that actually this was something bigger... this could actually be my philosophy in life. And conveniently my reflection upon my employment over the last eight years had been like a mirror upon most (if not all) of the last 37.

Part of me disputes that on the basis of it's simply coincidence and / or post rationalisation. And to some degree it possibly is...

• I do remember being 15, lying in a hospital and wanting desperately to have fun for the rest of my life, to not take life too seriously - I felt an enormous emotional rock lift off my shoulders at that point by not trying to take life too seriously.
• I remember writing a list of ambitions at the age of 18 on the plane en route from seeing my dad in America, most of which had challenges on them (like scuba diving) - I need to dig out that list! Perhaps it was just teenage lust for life and some crazy ideas.
• I recall always wanting to take the road less travelled. To do things differently, certainly as an adult, and certainly as I got older. To experience other lands and peoples such as Japan.
  

Regardless of whether they are post rationalised or have been drivers throughout my life, right now they fit my story of my life and what I want the rest of the chapters to unfold.

To ensure, that in the future I don't look back to post rationalise where I am right now, here's my meaning behind these three words.

Fun - to laugh & smile, especially in the face of crap. To realise the fun and enjoyment of living. Of stopping and smelling the roses. Of having harmless fun no matter where it can be found. Of just playing tig for no reason at all. Of doodling. To celebrate successes, especially the little ones. Of keeping hope alive, but not counting on it.

Challenge - to look for something as yet unconquered. To go after something yet unachieved. Of applying oneself. To progress and battle through. For that feeling of achievement. To understand that it's possible or to fall AND get back up. To try again. And again.

Experience - not just in the sense of building up knowledge (although that is very relevant, given that new things interest me and I love reading non-fiction books and documentaries). From the sense of enjoying experiences. That all of life from the good and the bad, is an experience to be savoured and devoured with equal intensity. Good luck and bad luck are but sides of the same coin. To understand that we are all here only once and to embrace the comedy, drama and tragedy of life. And to realise the only bad experience is not experiencing enough...

What am I?

So the news is out there... I'm leaving!

And the immediate response from my colleagues is "Where are you off to?" and I stumble something out about starting my own business, which leads me into a cul de sac of "What are you starting?" and that's where I get lost.

I struggle to explain in one sentence what it is I'm planning to do... Do I say I'm going to a be a crap juggler? Don't think that sets me in the best light and it takes a bit longer to explain than a snappy one sentence. If I say internet retailing then it means ebay to some. Am I a property developer? Well not straight away, may be in a couple of years but that also brings about images of Sarah Beanie... Am I a coach? That seems to be a popular thing that everybody goes off to do. And I somehow judge a number of the other terms as being... well... naff...

Entrepreneur? Nah! It seems too grandiose. And it's french!
Business Angel? No way - I've got no money to invest!
Inventor? Am I really going to invent anything and I don't have a garden shed?
Founder? I think is retrospective - you can only be a founder once you have founded something
Impresario? Jeez! That sounds like I'm about to deliver an aria in an opera...

So what am I actually going to do? Basically, I'm taking a very improvised way and trying out a number of things and seeing what sticks... What is that called??? Chancer? Adventurer? Daredevil? Those terms are closer to the truth, but not close enough. The closest I can come up with is Improvised Capitalist...

Sacrifice

I am now only 5 weeks away from starting my new life and I am exited and daunted, all at the same time.

For nearly four years the idea has been in the ether. For nearly a year, this time has been in the planning. And now it's down to weeks...

Part of that planning has been about surviving for as long as possible, given that I put my chances of success about 1 in 5 (based on general consumer goods performance and also a Harvard study). And to help me do that I have to make my cash last as long as possible... Ideally in the region of 18 months to two years (that's how long I think it will take to know if I have something viable). And to do that with the money I've got, I need to shave a third off my usual expenditure.

About 4 months ago was the moment of truth... was I prepared to make sacrifices in my lifestyle so I could live my dream. Was I prepared to give up drinking to save money? Was I prepared not to drink 4 or 5 times a week, 4 or 5 beers at a time? If so, in theory that could mean an extra 2 months over the next year to make a success of my ideas

And alcohol wasn't the only sacrifice... I've gone through my lifestyle and reviewed those things that six months ago were "normal" but in the cold light of day are at best luxuries most would not have and at worst are "frivolous". Things like eating out more than once a week. An expensive sandwich made fresh in a shop when I can make it fresh at home.

Those sacrifices, I hope will allow me the time to reach my promised land

Idea Percolator

As I enter the next phase of the grand plan (Hang on! There's a plan????) I am filled with confidence, excitement, and shit scary ploppy pants.

What gives me confidence also gives me doubt.

I have a multitude of ideas. Fifteen at the last count... so if one doesn't work, then surely there's another one to try...

By the fact of having so many ideas also means that I can't get after one of them immediately with an all consuming passion. I worry that this means I won't put in all my energy to make any of the ideas a success.

But, to some degree by not getting after an idea with absolute intensity allows me to mull it over. It allows me to contrive "thought experiments" to understand the potential barriers and work out solutions before I invest a single pound. It's what I call my idea percolator...

Interestingly they're not all my ideas... Some of the ideas have come from friend's conversations, and they have sought me out, and I'm genuinely excited by that as I look forward to being the first person my friends turn to when they want to start their idea, using my expertise and, hopefully, capital.